Does every mother experience this? Does every parent? What is it about my son’s smile that makes me melt like an ice cube on a 90 degree day every time I see it? I am so overly enamored with my son. I think that he is exceptionally adorable, sweeter than just about any other baby, and certainly smarter. I look at him, and I am completely overwhelmed with love and emotion.
I wonder who he will be when he grows up. I wonder what things he will like and dislike. What things will he be passionate about? Will he try to make a difference in the world? Will he be content to just exist, or will he want to make the world a better place? Will he fall in love? If so, will it be with a woman or a man? I don’t care either way as long as he is happy. Will he have kids of his own? What kind of friends will he have in school? Will he like math? History? Literature? Sports? Art? Theater? What will he excel at and what will he shy away from?
Photo courtesy of Jen Vitale Photography.
Everyone tells you to treasure these early days because they go by so fast. It’s true. I cannot believe that my son is already almost 8 months old. How is that even possible? It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with him, wondering what giving birth would be like and how it would feel to hold this tiny human that had been growing inside me for months. My mom told me that having a baby would change my life more than anything else ever had or ever would. I remember thinking, “yeah, yeah. I know. We don’t really go out that much anyway. Things won’t be that different.” Oh boy was I wrong! What I didn’t realize was that the things that would change weren’t things like how often we go out. What changed the most was that I am now wearing my heart on the outside of my body all the time. I ooze emotion with respect to my son, and I am constantly thinking about (and talking about) him. My emotions are raw and range from overjoyed elation to intense anxiety and everything in between. I am flooded with joy every time he laughs. I worry about every little thing and want to protect him from all of life’s evils.
I want so many things for him. I want to help him when he struggles but also allow him to find his own way and be proud of his accomplishments. I want him to grow to be a kind and compassionate person. I want him to be self-confident without being arrogant. I want him to know the value of material things and that they are secondary to more abstract things like love and family. I want him to appreciate all the things he has in life, and realize that not everyone is so lucky. I want him to be respectful of women and treat the women in his life as equals. Actually, I want him to treat men that way too. I want him to be tolerant of people who are different than him and to value diversity.
Everything I have ever felt for anyone is compounded times a million when it comes to my son. I never knew it was possible to love someone this much. I look at him, and it’s like I see the entire world in his face. Everything else fades into the background. I am now, first and foremost, a mother. Everything else can wait.