Handling it

Things you cannot do one handed while holding an infant:
Button your jeans
Open a jar of peanut butter
Clean a litter box
Bathe a 3 year old
Tie your shoes
Open a bottle of wine
Fold the laundry
Put your hair in a pony tail
Tear a paper towel off the roll
Stop both the infant and a 3 year old from crying at the same time

Things you can do one handed while holding an infant:
Make lactation cookies
Eat lactation cookies
Let the dog out
Let the dog back in
Brush your teeth
Feed a 3 year old breakfast
Make dinner
Carry a 3 year old up a flight of stairs
Check your email
Post a photo on Facebook
Complain on Facebook about having or carry an infant everywhere
Send a text message
Call your mom for moral support
Unload the dishwasher
Wash the laundry
Put shoes on a 3 year old
Pet 2 cats simultaneously
Sleep (note: this sleeping method has not been approved by the American Academy of Pediatrics and only applies if said infant will allow you to stop moving for more than 30 seconds without crying.)
Make coffee
Drink coffee
Reheat coffee at least 4 times in microwave throughout the day
Carry a screaming and kicking 3 year old out of a shopping mall

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